Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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