i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
