He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
