White coat. Heels.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
