Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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