i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
