the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
