Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize