Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
