new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
