Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
