I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Randomize
