So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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