What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Sext me about skeletons
Randomize
