You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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