just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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