she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
