He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm determined to sit on that face.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
