I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You may now shotgun with the bride
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
