I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
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