so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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