Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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