I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
