mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was so not down for the gang bang
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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