I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
