I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
