So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
