she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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