All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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