bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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