eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
