escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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