i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize