Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
