He told me they were just razor bumps!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
