I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
