Screwed.edu
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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