I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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