That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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