How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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