I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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