Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
