Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
