btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
