We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
