I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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