when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
