It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
