Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
