PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
