So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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