Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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