i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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