I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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