so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
