i would punch a child for taco bell
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
