I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She bit a glass in half.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
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