I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
