If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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