I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
