We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
