nut hugger
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just want to make out with him forever
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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