the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
