"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
