Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
