I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
So many bounce houses so little time
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
