i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Randomize